growing pains

i've been ruminating on this post for a week now, trying to articulate why my activity on this blog has diminished so much over the past year. it does take energy and intention to write with frequency, but i love writing. especially about food, adventures, and feelings. and i've certainly had no lack of of all three of those things lately. it's hard to know how much to share in a public-ish forum like this, you know? blogs and profiles and tumblrs and twitter feeds and all of these virtual forums allow us to landscape and edit our lives and personalities as much as we please. we can be a brutal and gruesome about our flaws, or present only the most charming, shiny moments. i will just say here that there have been lots of changes afoot in my life, some tough and tricky and some really good. all of them have made it easy to feel scattered, unfocused, and at times deeply uncertain.

as i get older, it has become clearer: even the most positive transitions carry with them that awkward sense of moving-through-it-ness, like that feeling in dreams when you're trying to run or swim and your body feels heavy and awful and won't obey your commands.

about a month ago, ryan and i bought a house in west philadelphia (yes, the kitchen rules). the day after we moved in, these lillies rocketed out of the front yard, reckless floral fireworks. they stood proud on their green legs for a few days and then slowly began to bow under their own grand weight, submitting to the humid force of gravity.

this is jacket - we adopted her in october and i do believe it's one of the best decisions we've ever made. i love this little dog more than is probably acceptable. she's missing a bunch of teeth, and purrs deep, guttural sighs of satisfaction when your hands hit the sweet spots. the perfection of her companionship surprises me constantly, and has inspired in me a whole new kind of care taking and nurturing...just further proving the infinite capacity of the heart.

i think Vegan Royale is nearing its natural end. cooking, drinking, eating, researching and learning are still very much at the core of my passions. but i'm not vegan anymore and haven't been for a long time. lately, i've even been grappling with conflicted feelings about my vegetarian diet, and what kinds of choices i'm going to make in the future. i will certainly continue writing and sharing, perhaps just in a new venue. perhaps with a bit more structure and a refreshed focus that more accurately reflect the foodie things i'm excited about these days. so while this isn't the last post ever, i'm getting ever closer to closing this chapter to make way for a new endeavor. and it feels kind of scary and risky and weird - as most real, good things usually do.